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A member of our family shut the door as he left. He’s the type that is a “stone wall”. He sings songs of “I am a rock, I am an island” and he lives that way. Even though he was raised in a kind family, he doesn’t trust people. He doesn’t let people in past his hardened fortress. He has no friends, yet he is considered by all to be a “nice man”. As his family, we starve for his affection. As the door shut, I leaned on the couch and our cat rested with me on my chest. As I wept gently for the human loneliness I felt, the isolation and distance there was between him and me, I felt a heavy pressing on my chest. Kiki was resting her full weight on my body. She was “letting go” of all her stress and tension, of all her cares and “worries”. The fact that she did this showed me that she trusted me. This radiated love for me. Kiki had no fear of me. And as I rested my face close to hers, I had no fear of her either. (Technically we could bite and claw each other to death, but this was the farthest thing from our hearts and minds.) A sense of unconditional love washed over me. Suddenly, at that moment there was no need in my life. I was cared for and was caring for. I was accepted and not rejected. I was unconditionally enjoyed for being just who I was, just as I was, and so was Kiki. Joy filled my being as I realized that must be just how God wants me to be with Him. God longs for that closeness of relationship where I can just rest on Him and in Him. For me not to worry, but just receive His affection knowing He won't hurt me. For me to come close to God, knowing God won't be hard, cold or distant, and that He will just love me as I am, wounded, scarred, and imperfect. Trust and Acceptance – that is what God wants from me (and you). Trust that He won't hurt or harm me, trust that God knows what He is doing, and acceptance that He is God: Holy and thoroughly Good. As I pondered that thought, I was uplifted as I transferred my enjoyment of Kiki on to my gratitude, appreciation, and affection to my Savior and God. I considered just how much He has protected me and saved me from so much in this world, and from hell in the next. I marveled about His omniscience and stalwart loving-kindness to me, His daughter. I felt secure and valuable as I re-realized His tenacious love for me through His Son Jesus Christ and His gift of Him to me by His Grace and His imparted gift of Faith. I reveled in God’s presence as I sat with God’s gift of Kiki on my chest. I, like Kiki, relinquished the weight of my control with a sigh of relief and trust in my Lord Jesus Christ. My sofa sagged more as my burdens grew lighter into insignificance. I trusted God just where I was, just as my life was, and just as I knew I had no control over anyone else’s attitude toward me or toward their own life. Just as I felt love for Kiki when she trusted and accepted me, without condition, I knew God was feeling immense love from me as I trusted and accepted Him personally, deeply and without condition. I was loving God as He has told me over and over to do – “Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;” Proverbs 3:5 I was adhering to God’s heart, listening for His thoughts with my whole heart, mind, soul, will and strength. And I was strengthened and healed by Him. I was loving God as God calls “love”: I was trusting God enough to do what He says (1 John 5:3). And I felt loved right back! As I sat there with God and Kiki, I rejoiced knowing that God was and is thoroughly sovereign and in control. That as long as I stay within His Will, by His Word and Holy Spirit power, I am safe and secure in the nail pierced palm of His Hand forever! (Isaiah 49:16, John 10:28-29) God wants to be with you, too. The Lord Jesus Christ wants your full trust, your full weight of cares, worries, thoughts, for your being to be enveloped within His Loving and Wise arms and heart. As my time grew to a close, I heard a gentle, steady, and strong sound of comfort. Kiki was purring with delight and serene peace. I needed nothing more. All was right with the world, at least until I started caring for someone else again. ~ I move - up and go, pray and work diligently, with tremendous hope and excitement for the next great thing God will do as I obey Him by His Holy Spirit power! "O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, you who kill the prophets and stone those sent to you, how often I have longed to gather your children together, as a hen gathers her chicks under her wings, but you were not willing. Matthew 23:37 |
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